This is something I've realized.
When our kids are little, we are responsible for teaching them pretty much everything. "Don't slurp your milk" "Wear this shirt with those pants" "Clean your room" "If you spill your milk, get a paper towel and clean it up" Sometimes we feel so ultra-responsible it is hard to take off that hat. When they go to someone's house without us, we hope they behave themselves, and if we hear that they were problematic at all, we feel like we've failed in some way, we feel we should have taught them better how to be a good guest, etc.
The problem is, as they become older, and then adults, we inadvertently still have that underlying feeling of responsibility, and continue to do what we THINK is teaching, but at some point we have to learn that we are no longer responsible, that it doesn't reflect on us as parents, that our kids have to make their own choices and now it is on them, not us.
It's a difficult transition sometimes. I have a double whammy, in nursing school we are taught that part of our role as a nurse is to teach.
So, I had to teach at work, teach at home, teach more because I was a single parent and there was no one to share that responsibility with.
Now add that to my feeling growing up that if something was wrong it was always my fault, ...... it is a REALLY hard task to take off that hat.
I still catch myself being concerned about if my youngest daughter is keeping her area clean; getting along with her peers and roommates; brushing her teeth; showering enough..... I have to keep reminding myself it is no longer my responsibility, in fact, . . it . is . none . of . my . business!!!! Egads, that's a hard pill to swallow!
I keep worrying that there are things I failed to teach well enough and that I should still try to teach her!
As adult children ourselves, we must realize that our parents sometimes still have that feeling too, and perhaps we can even teach our parents that it's time to let go....
