Through my life I have seen the hand of God do some amazing things in my life. An opportunity, a nudge in another direction, etc. usually following fervent prayer.
I had thought that was what was happening when I left my husband after a life-changing incident.
The grief from my divorce and all the connected losses was crippling. Even after 5 years I still cry when the subject comes up. I have wondered all along if I had indeed made a mistake by leaving. If it actually wasn't God's will but my own self-will run riot.
I have prayed and prayed over this and asked Him what His will really is, and (as I have so many times in my life) said, "God you know I'm rather hard-headed so you may need to knock me upside the head for me to know what You want from me". As usual, He pretty much did. He removed an option.
Ex-dh has decided to let his deceased dad's widow come live with him. I never got along well with her. She's 85 and though her family is in Montana and Nevada and I guess she would rather move to Oregon with my ex-dh. The "BANG" I hear is the sound of a slamming door. Time to get my hand out of the door and move onward, looking forward and Upward.
Isn't He amazing?
Thursday, May 8, 2014
Thursday, April 3, 2014
Parenting and Letting Go
This is something I've realized.
When our kids are little, we are responsible for teaching them pretty much everything. "Don't slurp your milk" "Wear this shirt with those pants" "Clean your room" "If you spill your milk, get a paper towel and clean it up" Sometimes we feel so ultra-responsible it is hard to take off that hat. When they go to someone's house without us, we hope they behave themselves, and if we hear that they were problematic at all, we feel like we've failed in some way, we feel we should have taught them better how to be a good guest, etc.
The problem is, as they become older, and then adults, we inadvertently still have that underlying feeling of responsibility, and continue to do what we THINK is teaching, but at some point we have to learn that we are no longer responsible, that it doesn't reflect on us as parents, that our kids have to make their own choices and now it is on them, not us.
It's a difficult transition sometimes. I have a double whammy, in nursing school we are taught that part of our role as a nurse is to teach.
So, I had to teach at work, teach at home, teach more because I was a single parent and there was no one to share that responsibility with.
Now add that to my feeling growing up that if something was wrong it was always my fault, ...... it is a REALLY hard task to take off that hat.
I still catch myself being concerned about if my youngest daughter is keeping her area clean; getting along with her peers and roommates; brushing her teeth; showering enough..... I have to keep reminding myself it is no longer my responsibility, in fact, . . it . is . none . of . my . business!!!! Egads, that's a hard pill to swallow!
I keep worrying that there are things I failed to teach well enough and that I should still try to teach her!
As adult children ourselves, we must realize that our parents sometimes still have that feeling too, and perhaps we can even teach our parents that it's time to let go....
When our kids are little, we are responsible for teaching them pretty much everything. "Don't slurp your milk" "Wear this shirt with those pants" "Clean your room" "If you spill your milk, get a paper towel and clean it up" Sometimes we feel so ultra-responsible it is hard to take off that hat. When they go to someone's house without us, we hope they behave themselves, and if we hear that they were problematic at all, we feel like we've failed in some way, we feel we should have taught them better how to be a good guest, etc.
The problem is, as they become older, and then adults, we inadvertently still have that underlying feeling of responsibility, and continue to do what we THINK is teaching, but at some point we have to learn that we are no longer responsible, that it doesn't reflect on us as parents, that our kids have to make their own choices and now it is on them, not us.
It's a difficult transition sometimes. I have a double whammy, in nursing school we are taught that part of our role as a nurse is to teach.
So, I had to teach at work, teach at home, teach more because I was a single parent and there was no one to share that responsibility with.
Now add that to my feeling growing up that if something was wrong it was always my fault, ...... it is a REALLY hard task to take off that hat.
I still catch myself being concerned about if my youngest daughter is keeping her area clean; getting along with her peers and roommates; brushing her teeth; showering enough..... I have to keep reminding myself it is no longer my responsibility, in fact, . . it . is . none . of . my . business!!!! Egads, that's a hard pill to swallow!
I keep worrying that there are things I failed to teach well enough and that I should still try to teach her!
As adult children ourselves, we must realize that our parents sometimes still have that feeling too, and perhaps we can even teach our parents that it's time to let go....
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)